shielarcastillo

Welcome to the rest of my life

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What’s so special for me about tomorrow, September 21? I can think of a number of things.
First, it’s the birthday of my best friend, imaginal collaborator, and partner in grime Jagat Rubio. He will be leaving for Liwanag so there will be no celebration. Anyway, we’ve always been used to simple family dinners on birthdays, and not parties.
Second, anniversary of Martial Law. I’m a Martial Law baby. It was simply a fact of my life. Maybe it’s the reason why the moment I went to college, long after Martial Law has been lifted, I immediately became an activist. But that was a long time ago. The country is still trying to heal the wounds it caused, while I have moved to another struggle, that of the environment.
Third, it’s the International Day of Peace, so there will be a global energy collectively ideating for peace.

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Raw food breakfast, lovingly prepared by my soul brother Haresh Tanodra.

There is a fourth and final reason, which to me is the most personal one. I’ve decided to take the leap and become vegan. I’ve been wanting to be one for some years, but I always fall into the trap of giving up what I want most. Or maybe it’s an attachment to the programs that I grew up with, a lack of confidence in myself that I could pull it through, or a fear of getting out of the vegetarian comfort zone that I’ve been in for 17 years (became a vegetarian in 1996 but had a couple of vacillating years). I have become practically vegan for some time, about 95%. But then one is either vegan or not. And I feel I just have to be one.
I mentioned this desire in passing to a fellow participant in a training I attended recently. Her bewildered reply was, “But why?” And I can understand her reaction. I was like that before, and I had to really go deep into myself to realize the whys of it for me. There are so many reasons, but let me not bore you. There will be other blog posts for it.
I know it won’t be easy, but I’ve been through tougher times. I know that whatever I go through because of this change, my only enemy would be my weakness, my deeply-embedded programs, and my complacency. I’m facing this head-on knowing it will not be perfect. But at least I could tell myself that I did try.
So starting tomorrow, I will be vegan.
Lunch at the office. Boiled green leaves and okra, fresh tomatoes, fried eggplant, and rice. With thanks to the lovely Lorna Batislaon.

Lunch at the office. Boiled green leaves and okra, fresh tomatoes, fried eggplant, and rice. With thanks to the lovely Lorna Batislaon.

But I just have a small request.
Please help me pull it through. Help me become authentic to one of the deepest desires of my heart, and do not allow me to walk away from where I really want to be.
If I falter, please don’t judge me, lift me up.
If I forget, please don’t ridicule me, make me realize.
If I get tired, please don’t condone me, challenge me.
If I give up, please don’t laugh at me, make me remember.
If I am tempted, please don’t side with me, straighten me up.
It’s a terrifying yet exciting journey. Welcome to the rest of my life.
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One thought on “Welcome to the rest of my life

  1. Pingback: Why a capsule wardrobe won’t work for me | shielarcastillo

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